JUST BEFORE THE START

And I guess I’m really going to start Uni!

But i think I have lost much of my zeal and enthusiasm by now. It feels bothersome and mind-bogglingly irritating now. Partially cause I’m too used to not having to do any serious thinking, planning and considering. Frankly (unlike many others have claimed), I was never really worried that my brain has aged/rusted/degraded so much that I won’t be able to pick up studying again. I just feel that I would be able to deal with it and I don’t see it as much of an issue to worry about. It isn’t confidence or anything like that but I don’t think its anything I should worry about haha.

Rather, I’m more worried about meeting people there. It has become like a reflex reaction. If history had taught me something, it would be that I should never get my hopes up too high. But still, I really really need to hold onto some of those hopes. Wouldn’t it be a sin if I should condemn the future without giving it a chance to show me what’s its really like? That’s why I always hoping but sometimes, I feel like I’m just praying for a miracle without believing in it. It probably explains why I’m not feeling too great about going for another orientation next week. Its just so tiring to watch your hopes bubble up and burst again and again. Sigh, somehow while I’m still lost and floundering in this period of ignorance and uncertainty, I would say I’m still waiting for that sudden revelation or glimmer of light.

I decided I should officially make a distinction between being mentally prepared and being emotionally prepared. Even if you have already thought through, considered and decided on a certain matter, it really doesn’t mean that you are emotionally prepared to go along with it. Now that i said it out, it seems like its such a common-sense kind of thing but somehow i thought it was really important that I set down this distinction for myself.