Un-real

3 interviews in 2 days! At least I’m going for interviews rather than sitting at home waiting for stuff to happen. I think I did pretty well for one of the interviews but I am trying not to get my hopes up, in case I end up with a huge disappointment.

<a rant-filled paragraph on the horrors of some interviewers have been deleted so that I do not posit myself as an unsatisfied disgruntled fresh grad who’s complaining about employers with their self-indulgent ideals of potential employees, and the self-perception of the depressingly depressed market rate of starting pay for fresh grad, and all these despite the fact that I do acknowledge that I have little to no relevant job experience>

I hate it when I ‘m forced to fit myself into the image of the ideal employee of an interviewer, cause I’m really not that kind of person. That has been, is and probably will continue to be my main reason for hating interviews.

也许我虚假如玻璃倒影 也许我真实如桌上尘埃

UNEMPLOYMENT

Unemployed for 1 month and 6 days now.
I think it’s not that bad a situation, but it doesn’t mean that I’m not worried about it.

On good days: “I should take my time and find a good job that pays well and suits my interests. I will find it eventually.”

On ok days: “Ok, no job yet. But it’s ok, I just need to continue searching and the companies will contact me soon.”

On less-than-good days: “How come the companies never get back to me? There’s nothing on my phone and in my email at all…”

On bad days: “How come nobody wants to hire me? What if I can’t find a job?!”

On absolutely horrible days: “My life sucks. What’s wrong with me?" *goes into depression mode*

Sometimes I feel that it’s just feels sooooo difficult to live my life, when I find myself moving from restlessness to anxiety to hope to depression to self-assurance and then the cycle starts again. And sometimes I will think that so-and-so is so lucky, he/she is smart/outstanding/lucky/has scholarship/took a sure-get-job course, they don’t have to struggle like me now. But I also know that these are just excuses and selfish thoughts that I’m using to make myself feel better, and that I’m not being fair to them and myself for thinking that way. It’s just a way of coping.

Just to mention, I was actually feeling rather inspired and hopeful cause I found 3 new jobs to apply for. And I’m hoping it will last for a while more.

I actually have a few more issues/rants to blog about but I think I will end here for tonight, cause I’m not really feeling very “fluent” at the moment and it’s probably not going to come out right, so that’s it for now.