... ... RAVAGES ... ...

after "jue wu"...
revival of old hopes can bring abt many things...
seemed as though i lived another monday today...
there was this anxiety depression guilt hopes urgency anger sadness all at once...
my mood hasn't been gd these few days...
been thinking and considering alot of stuff... too preoccupied in my own thoughs to go and humour any idiotic stuff ard me...
and its isn't helping with all the stuff ur continue to do ard me...
serioulsy i'm getting quite pissed and fed up already...
unfortunately ur cannot get it...

on top my own probs ur can go and create more probs for me...
really thanx hor... go scram off somewhere else pls...
if ur cannot think and cannot hold ut mouths...
then i see that there's no more point in me sharing anything with ur guys...
so juz shut up and don't EVER expect me to say any more stuff to ur again... and don't u EVER approach me for any more stuff that u feel u muz know...
i won't make the same mistake twice...

unfortunately for myself and regardless of whether i like it or not...
i've to make my decision while so many things r happening...
in the end...
i'm quite disappointed with myself...
i still don't 've the courage within...
i hate the way everything seemed to be schemed together... pieced together bit by bit to block off my "escape route"...
if i were to lose...
i 've lost to fate and myself alone...

maybe i'm juz taking out my anger on everything ard me...
maybe everyone's rite and i'm wrong...
i'm so frustrated and i can't help it...
cause the very source of unhappiness is myself...
i am not happy... ...

... .. JUE WU ... ...

i wonder wat to make out of all this...
fate seems to be so fond of playing jokes on me...
after everything...
fate didn't allow me to do it afterall...
ah well...
thought i had quite made up my mind but then in the end didn't work out...
so ironic that i became ct rep after that...
guess its juz my fate... though somehow i don't really believe in it anymore haha...
can anyone understand the complexity of my emotions today? doubt so...

watever lah...
life has so many contradictions...
i seem to 've them all...
became abit more normal towards the end of the day...
maybe its wat they call "jue wu"...
don't really know how to translate into english haha... acceptance doesn't really convey the meaning properly...
its a pretty powerful thing afterall...
yeah since nothing else can be done...
i suppose i need to look at things on the positive sight...
the new intakers seem quite nice and fun today...
but then again nothing's certain...

lets juz see how everything goes okay...
so many "wat ifs" could 've happened today...
guess i'll still wonder abt them once in a while... wondering where i would be now if things had turned out differently today...
leaving an uncertainty behind in memory seems to make life more meaningful...
so that i always know i "could 've been" and not i "could only be"...
sounds abit cheem but u'll figure out someday haha...

rite...
perhaps its time to move on...

... ... FATE ... ...

why does fate likes to toy ard with us?
i really don't believe myself anymore...
feel so cheated all of a sudden...
how? wat was i suppose to do to avert everything?
or was it predestined rite from the start? so that even if i tried to do anything (if i ever did)... eventually everything 'll all become worthless?

yeah i believed everything 'ld be alrite eventually...
maybe i was juz lying to myself...
imagine wat i was feeling during econs lecture loh...
sit there then ppl keep telling me XYZ come my class leh... ABC in my class leh... that guy in that class leh...
rite... how was i suppose to react...
everyone i know going everywhere except my class...

all along i cheated myself for don't know how many yrs...
how long more am i going to do it?
can i ever be selfish?
is there any wrong in being selfish?
why do i feel its wrong for me to walk my own path...
nobody did anything... neither did nobody didn't do anything...
i juz feel that i wanted to... yeah wanted to
i'm sorry... i don't know why... i juz feel that way...

so wats holding me back?
sense of obligation? guilt? the knowledge that things may not be as bad as i thought?
all maybe...
and then there's the dumb ct rep thing going ard this few days
kinda ironic if u get wat i mean...
to tell the truth i didn't willingly become any chairmen in the past... yeah go dig out my hist if u want then maybe u'll see why...
some ppl r juz too tired to do anymore stuff so they choose a simple normal life...

nothing's really confirmed i guess...
tml 'll be everything...

到后来才发现爱你是一种习惯
我学会和你说一样的谎
你总是要我在你身旁
说幸福该是什么模样
你给我的天堂
其实是一片荒凉

要是我早可以和你一刀两断
我们就不必在爱里勉强
可是我真的不够勇敢
总为你忐忑为你心软
毕竟相爱一场
不要谁心里带着伤

我可以永远笑着扮演你的配角
在你的背后自己煎熬
如果你不想要
想退出要趁早
我没有非要一起到老
我可以不问感觉继续为爱讨好
冷眼的看着你的骄傲
若有情太难了
想别恋要趁早
就算迷恋你的拥抱
忘了就好

爱已至此怎样的说法都能成为理由
我在这样的爱情里
看见的是男人的软弱

... ... OUTING ... ...

went for class outing at kbox today... abit like the last s72 outing for the 1st 3 months intakers...
oh well... haha turned out to be like a grp outing instead...
but nvm...
still had fun haha...
too bad some ppl can't join us... maybe nxt time then =)
oh yeah sorry to gavin... forgot to tell him the details... maybe nxt time then...

anyway yeah even though only like 8 ppl there in the end but i quite enjoyed myself...
haha everyone sang quite abit lah...
we sang jay chou, elva, guang liang, fir, sun yanzi, wang lee hom, david tao and so on haha...
then tried she and shin songs with aaron (!!!) haha had a fun time doing all the high parts... =)
kevin went to sing some erm... "frosty" song... haha super cute lah
he sang some chinese songs too... woah haha jolin and F4 and abit of jay chou... not bad sia =P
discovered zhou hao very gd at singing too... our class idol haha ask him sing "peng you" for u =P
then the girls (hong zhen, yifang, kit yeng, jelene) also got sing songs like erm... "wo ai xi zao" and "jian kang ge" or smth haha super funny...
watched some "purple people eater" also haha... a lame song with lame mtv basically had a gd laugh at it...
after that went eat then bought some stuff then went back home liao...

not bad afterall...
haha okay...
thats abt all today...
adieos...

... ... WINDS OF TIME ... ...

time moves like the wind...
strong and swift at times but sometimes weak and slow...
'll we be the fallen leaves in the wind? or 'll we become the wings that navigate the winds?

ever since the release of the posting results...
everything has been so uncertain...
some staying... some posted out... some appealing back... some changing class... some changing combi...
entering and leaving changing so much stuff...
these few days certainly full of mixed emotions for everyone...
sometimes i don't even know wat to feel haha...

1st to all those leaving 72...
wish ur all the best...
so much have elapsed since the 1st day of orientation...
been nice knowing all of ur...
ir u shld ever miss us pls return yeah... even if its only a short talk...
we'll still be there waiting for ur...
thanx for all the memories there... be it sad or happy they r all precious =)

2nd to all those who r still hesitant abt their choice...
the choice has always been urs all along...
cause its really ur own life here...
sure ppl can give advice and all that but in the end... its up to u...
so juz trust in ur heart...
go ahead and find the path that truly belongs to u...
and then walk it proud and not regret...
for u r true to urself and i'm sure ur friends 'll always be behind u...

3rd to all those who experiences sorrow...
don't be sad yeah...
no matter wat happens... u've lost nothing...
no matter where and wat u study... a future is always there waiting for u... one in which u r happy... u juz need to embrace it...
no matter who u've left behind or who has left...
friends r linked by memories and thoughts...
time and distance is only an illusion if u've the heart to maintain ur friendship...
once a friend always a friend...
time can change many things but it can never erase ur memories...
stay happy my friend =)

lastly to me myself...
i've made my decision 3 months ago...
'll i regret and back down now?
i guess not...
watever happens i guess i'll stay by my chosen path...
i've left so much to fate...
now i guess i can only do it again...
no matter wat happens... at least i know that i was ready all along...
i'll wait for my future...

... ... NOT THE END ... ...

posting results came out today...
morning had abit of shock and alarm but yeah turned out to be quite alrite...
went to watch hitch and walked ard orchard after that haha...
slacked the rest of the day and nite...
wanted to do some work but yeah didn't manage to do anything in the end...
i'm getting lazy =P

other than that...
i dunno...
i had quite a... gd time in sch today...
moving ard catching up with friends...
and yeah saw some interesting stuff too... hehe gd job there =P

shall leave my comments on posting results to tml nite...
now isn't the time yet...
erm... deleted the previous entry...
some of ur got to read it but nvm...
thought that i shld let the past be... if its over then let it slumber no point bringing it up again and cause more probs...
sometimes i do not really understand myself...
am i on or off? right or wrong? sad or happy?
life has no absolutes... and maybe i'm juz drifting somewhere inbetween...

... ... REASON ... ...

haha...
for many of u, if i ever explain the reasons behind some of my actions and thoughts, u'll be shocked to find out the truth...
so to some of ur questions and comments... i only 've silence to answer u...
things aren't as whole as wat most of u think... at least it is the case in regards to me...
haha... no one's at fault... even if someone was i'ld still be the closest candidate =P
the coming future 'll be interesting... to see how it'll all turn out...
i still continue to hope...

sometimes i'm quite amazed at myself and at some stuff that has happened to me...
now i know i'm fortunate...
to 've some close friends ard me...
though not in quantity but juz being who they r is enough...
i'm satisfied...
thanx...

... ... NEW START ... ...

hello...
yup my new blog finally up after so much talk and all that...
*phew* after like so many days of hard work...
hm...
quite happy with my own creation even though a few stuff didn't work out... but hey its D.I.Y and i'm proud of it...
haha...

to help ur ard...
erm... i gonna do abit of orientation...
lets see...
navigation is done using the 6 links in the top right hand corner...
white relic --> bio
blue relic --> history
green relic --> friends
black relic --> pics
red relic --> old blog
yellow relic --> credits
abit non-user friendly but erm... there only so much i can do haha... =P

okay thats all for now...
adieos...