19 DAYS TO GO!

I have this feeling i'm going mad! there's too many considerations running through my mind for me to act in a proper rational manner. I absolutely hate it when I'm caught in a rush/frenzy due to other people's inefficiency or sloppy work. And I'm absolutely mad when things take a dive for the worse during this OT-frenzy, especially when I'm trying to keep my emotions under control at having to work on this tight a schedule. We were given an option if we wanted to go back and help out today (even though its a sunday!) and i really couldn't bear to drag myself down there and take a look at the mess again so I decided to give it a miss. It will probably cause some problems for me at work but then well, its too late to change anything so I might a well make the best out of the worst and start anew tomorrow. I can't believe that I'm actually counting down to the day when I will finish my contract, like in the pre-ord days.

This is ridiculous.

ITS LIKE I'M LYING ON MY BED, TRYING TO REACH THAT CEILING

Every once in a while, I would like to be by myself, away from all those familiar and not so familiar people around me. Its easier to plod my way through those lofty thoughts and feelings that way.

I feel like I'm quite retarded sometimes, to keep trying to do my best all the time. Sometimes I would stop and think that it wouldn't be worth it, that in the end I would look back and think that everything is a waste of time and effort, that I would be better off elsewhere. But it doesn't matter what I think, somehow I just move on and continue putting in lots of effort to get things going (I refrain from saying "all my efforts" because it's probably not all, but I would say it's more than required) Ironically, all these aren't exactly the things that really matter to me,they are just stuff that I came across and have to do, they are not what I really want to do. Somehow, I always have the knack of getting myself involved in the wrong things haha. And I always think, that to be able to do the things I want, would mean that I must be free of all the other unnecessary obligations. A life without obligations sounds really ideal but its too far from our reality to be true.Its like how I felt that day, when I'm lying on my bed with my hand outstretched, and realising I could never quite reach the ceiling.

It's one of those days, when I just want to close shop and lock myself in my own world, where I wouldn't need to entertain meaningless banters.

WHAT WOULD I SEE IN THE SKY

a quick recap for all the events that i have missed:

Went to Sheng Qin's (cousin) hse last Sat for CNY visit that day and tried my hands on Guitar Hero haha. He had the full guitar hero set (ie. drums, 2 guitars and mike) and it was super fun trying to progress through all the songs. tried both the drums and guitar but drums is definitely more challenging and fun. only played up to medium difficulty for drums and easy for bass/guitar so maybe next time i can progress on to higher difficulties =P although they have this option for you to join in with the singing part, i'm still convinced that english rock songs are pretty "unsingable" and i was wondering why they do the same stuff for chinese songs haha.

Work has been horrendous lately! With all the stockpiling of work and random difficult requests coming in from all over the office, i'm starting to get annoyed by this sense of inefficiency and tardiness.  My work has been like endless and it doesn't help that the new temp doesn't have a desktop/laptop and he can only do all the random "manual" work. Without access to the system database and all, its like I still have to keep track and work on everything at the same time and it gets annoying when there are random changes everyday and my lists to keep track of stuff keep getting outdated. And i wonder why do i have to feel stress at all. I mean, i'm just a temp and really, i don't think i'm suppose to stress that much over things...

went for NPCC anniversary dinner yesterday! although there were only me chaorong and kenneth there to represent our batch, i thought it was rather nice to be able to meet old seniors and engage in those "informative" discussion, along with some random musings and comments haha. Food was quite bad for a $25 dinner. There were only 5 of us at the table initially and we thought we could at least have quantity instead of quality but well, we ended up with 8 people at the table in the end so yeah, the plan didn't really work out haha. Nut I didn't really mind cause the food was really so bad that i didn't have the urge to do for additional helpings. At least we had some fun and laughter among ourselves. And there's always that sense of becoming when you go back and visit your old school/old unit/juniors etc. Like you know you were just like them previously but after all that has happened, somehow you ended up the way you are, sitting exactly where you are at that precise moment. musing over how everything had been that many years ago haha. Or rather, I'm just that kind of person who will feel that way.

I concluded there's this nostalgic trend brewing this year. Or maybe its just meant to be like this on your 21st year. Somehow old photos keep popping up all over facebook haha. I couldn't help but be caught up in it too haha. So of course when i had the chance to pop back to Chinese High (somehow i rather not use Hwa Chong Institution) for NPCC anniversary dinner, I couldn't resist the chance to take some photos of the well-travelled route many years back haha. I wonder, who really did take notice of the route we took a million times back in the good old days. haha not many i guess. It was a pity i missed some other shots because i didn't want people to be staring at me and thinking i'm nuts to be taking photos of the bus-stops and what not haha.

 

Nowadays when I'm out on the streets, I would always keep looking up,

because somehow i always feel that i might just be able to catch,

that plane or that particular cloud, before they all disappear into the horizon.