... ... NOT THAT FAR AWAY ... ...

only 2 wks left before i fly for india!
and i was still thinking i have alot of time for all the stuff i needa settle before i go... cause its gonna be a really long 2 months before i can come back... there's still alot of things to buy and pack before i can assure myself i'm gonna have a somewhat comfortable time over there... needa find some stuff to entertain myself over there... was actually considering getting a portable dvd player but all the suitable ones turned out to be a little over-priced, hopefully jia wei can bring his laptop over so i juz need to find a thumbdrive/harddisk to hold all my movies and music... gonna get some bks to bring over as well but i really can't bear to go shopping at Kino so i gotta settle with some 2nd-hand bkshop haha... and they better set up internet connection over there! although i seriously doubt i'll get to use it cause there's prob. gonna be long queues for it...

seriously, its still kinda worrying to know that i have lots of stuff to do when i get there, especially when i don't really have much of a clue how i gonna go abt doing them... i'm juz gonna pray for the best really... there's only so much that i can do rite now... i really hate this feeling of being so unprepared for the things ahead... it makes me think about all the bad stuff that would happen if i should screw up over there and there's really not many ppl ard who can help me out... even though we're almost on the verge of flying off, i'm still not sure whether i will do okay there *cross my fingers*

... ... LOOK AWAY ... ...

there were juz too many discouraging looks and remarks thrown my way and way too many looks of disapproval and ridicule...

i really wish to prove them wrong to throw their words their looks back at them but sometimes there's only that much i can do...

i thought that as long as i'm trying my best it wld be enough...

looks like i was wrong...

i thought it was such an shame that i actually subjected myself to all those needless torture...

in the end i cld only look away and keep quiet...

 

我开始相信

我相信的寂寞

原来不是个偶然

... ... FOR ORDING and CNY ... ...

I have the "bite-off-more-than-i-can-chew" feeling rite now... suddenly it doesn't seem that easy to just disappear to India cause it seems like I actually have to take charge of alot of stuff... to make it all the more depressing, i'm like one of the lowest rank there already, wats a 3SG doing in the middle of a group  of warrent officers... its juz filled with lots of regulars and erm other races! hell now i'm actually wishing they didn't open up the slot for me in the 1st place haha... to think i was actually quite excited abt the idea of being able to go overseas for an extended period of time... now it kinda sux when i realise i have gotten myself involved in more responsibilities... i get all irritated juz thinking abt it... but still i really really hope i can pull it off properly without screwing up big time somewhere... sigh...

i'm so bloody tired nowadays... i juz slept the whole afternoon away, effectively wasting a large part of my bk-out time! strangely it really doesn't feel like a bk-in day today... the coming CNY and India seem to be messing ard with my head a little... my room is still kinda in a mess cause i'm too lazy to go clean it up so i think i'll juz tidy it up a little later after dinner cause i really won't be back until like thurs morning, which is already 初一! all because i have a COS duty on the eve =( but actually i came to terms with it rather fast cause like the only thing affected is reunion dinner, for which we're eating it ahead of time later so well, i guess its really okay... at least its not 初一 or 初二 those important days when i'm busy visiting ppl and lining my pockets with red packets...

one last thing before i close this entry, some "old" specs are gonna ord  on CNY eve nxt wk! haha although abit unwilling, i still gotta say congrats and adieos to them... i seriously think i'll miss them ard camp after they're gone cause they're like so much more sensible and amiable then some others... watching others ord before me makes me yearn for mine even more but its still like 9 months! they always say like it 'll come soon but then its still a long long way to go and there's so many things to do... i feel like saying it but the phrase "i wonder when my time will come" is juz silly cause i know exactly my ord date haha but well u get my pt...

and also...
Happy Chinese New Year!