... ... UNCONTROLLABLES ... ...

oh man...
i'm actually reduced to blogging from the sch lib. all thanx to my stupid desktop that refuse to allow me to acess the net...
in fact... i think the whole network system is missing lah... so irritating...
i'm quite amazed i actually manage to survive the past few days without internet...
not that i 've much to do online but then its still better than nothing...

suddenly i seem to be very busy for these 2 days...
lots of stuff to settle in sch...
but i wld guess that its gd... considering the state i am in now
but then again perhaps i already knew all along...
wat constitues luck?
while i believe we r responsible for our own choices and outcomes... how do we go abt justifying the uncontrollables? r they then classified under the catergory of luck?
wat shld i feel?

... ... WORDS ... ...

to everyone fighting out there...
u can fly so high...
keep ur gaze upon the sky...

to myself...
i'm so sorry...

forgive me but i guess this is all i can do...

... ... UNCERTAINTY ... ...

today is juz the kind of day when i feel like giving in totally...
to give up on all the struggles and efforts i've been TRYING to sustain for too long...
letting go juz seem to be such an easy option...
to sink into oblivion and sit in dispair... a total indifference to everything that matters in the most practical sense...

it becomes so easy to hate everything in that state...
when u're feeling the raw taste of emotions without the xtra seasoning of conscience, logic and tact...
the irk has always been there and sometimes it juz get amplified by certain ignorant arrogance and perhaps an utter lack of shame...
arh well...
things wldn't happen without a cause i guess...
who can fully comprehend the contradictions (using the term loosely here) within...
for some unknown reason some ppl r actually so "out-of'this-world" that they can't comprehend the concept of diff. ppl having diff viewpoints and ideas...
i feel like hurling some words of abuse here but i shall refrain from it due to a lack of vocab here...

all that hatred aside...
i'm currently in love!!!
with a song lah... "Di Yi Ge Qing Chen" is so nice!!!
i'm totally head over heels in love with the feeling of the song...
its like i feel this sense of trepidation with a hint of uncertainty and fear and at the same time, contentment with a sense of hope and happiness mixed within the song...
kinda reflects wat i'm feeling nowadays although in varying proportions...
like when i realise the future's coming right towards me... that perhaps i'm not prepared to face it yet and conclude that i've not achieved watever i wanted...
in uncertainty there exist both hope and dispair...

《第一个清晨》

光透进来

把梦刷白
舍不得你会醒过来

不要现在

昨夜走太快

说不上来

隐隐藏在胸口一块

吻你脸颊
证明此刻真的存在

是你让我相信爱

对我慷慨

是爱 我们是注定不是意外

这是爱

我们的爱

还不确定却好实在

把你贴在胸怀

静静的代替表白

才不愿放开

这是爱

给你的爱

没名字却停不下来
在忐忑里期待

雀跃中想到未来是你我才明白

这就是爱

但梦还在

小心不让你醒过来

也许现在

就是永恒的未来

第一个我们的清晨

迷人和默契都是你的

无限可能

言语都显得太肤浅

... ... EVENTUALLY ... ...

happy birthday to dawei!
even though u're like super busy today but still hope u enjoyed ur special day...
ps: wait for ur belated present okay? 'll take some time for it to be ready =)

anyway...
had organ donation talks during ct today...
i guess i wldn't really mind donating my organs to those ppl who need them after i'm gone...
wat's left behind is juz an empty shell isn't it...
u either burn it to asjes or bury it in the ground...
either way... the shell 'll eventually be reduced to nothingness anyway... so may as well do 1 last gd deed and help others in need...
but that's juz my point of view haha...

had international friendship day celebration after that...
watched some simpson show and then had songs by diff ppl...
urm... okay 2 of the songs were still okay while the rest were like "so so"...
but i guess the whole thing wasn't that bad... guess i always 've a thing for this kind of concert like thingy haha...

and sometimes u juz wonder when and how everything 'll work out eventually...

... ... CAMPUS SUPER STAR ... ...

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...
Chee Yang won the campus superstar contest!!!
i'm so excited!!!!!

wanted to go sch and support initially but like no one else going loh except maybe weijin... so sad lah...
but nvm chee yang still won in the end haha...
caught glimpses of dawei quite a few times though haha...
that few seconds of fame on tv haha...

was damn worried for him at first when he kept losing to renfred in terms of phone calls...
quickly pumped in 3 smses haha...
but lucky he won and became the male champion in the end... or else the grand final wldn't be so exciting liao haha...
pumped in another 2 smses subsequently haha...
saved up all my smses for the previous rounds for finals mah haha...
anyway he sang so well lah!! how cld i not support him man
i'm in this hyper energy state now... quite high now haha...
i feel like going kbox and sing all the nice songs!!! =)

css aside...
reading blogs can be a eventful process sometimes...
u read and think abt so many things even if they r not urs to experience...
quite emotional lately... going from extremes to extremes and oscillating inbet...
sometimes i juz wish to indulge myself... giving myself some time to cycle through the emotions to feel wat they mean and wat they can give...
such that i can allow myself to feel the events ard me and tie them back to my beliefs and ideas...
yup such is life...

perhaps chee yang winning is a confirmation of possibillities... a representation of the idle hopes and dreams... the sole and inadequate comfort in the absence of so many experiences and futures...