PSYCHOPATH

Whoa lao, I got myself into a mess again!!!

I totally screw up my DSC mid-terms! And its like totally my fault cause I was somewhat overly sure that I could handle the problems so I didn’t really do much revision before the actual test today. I totally blanked out during the stupid test and yeah, I couldn’t even do easy things like sensitivity analysis and all that. So while everyone was busy “optimising” about it after the test, I was secretly killing myself over my retardedness. And now I have to keep psychoing myself to stop myself from falling into that state of depression and despair, that its really not the end and that I should learn to buck up and I can still make it if I do really really well for all my other tests and modules. But its so hard to stop myself from “pessimising” myself into depression. And I keep wondering why I have to try so hard to do well or why I have to try so hard to keep myself above that line of depression. Its not like I even have a really valid reason to work towards… shit, I falling below that line again, sigh.

Oh days like this, I just want to give it all up and walk away.

But I very well know I can’t!

So I should start/continue to sigh and try hard.

I feel like I’m suffering from a mental breakdown and I feel like laughing at myself. What a psychopath. Sigh.

UPDATE!

It’s been way too long since i long blogged! It’s not like there weren’t stuff for me to blog about, but I was just too lazy or too tired to blog.

Even though it’s still recess week now, I’m still quite busy trying to work my way through in preparation for the mid-terms coming up next week. But somehow I always find myself infront of the computer indulging in some other past-times haha.

And I just cannot stress enough, how much I hate acc right now. Actually I’m still relatively okay with the subject, but what really irritates me is the way they go about designing acc questions. I hate it when they throw in seemingly irrelevant information and I have absolutely no idea what I’m supposed to do with these random bits of information. I think my irritation is also partly caused by the fact that I didn’t get the acc textbook. It’s really troublesome when they keep setting independent study sections and questions in the lecture notes and tutorials. Once or twice is okay, but you really don’t have to include it in EVERY set of lectures notes and tutorials. If an acc tutorial that takes days and days to complete isn’t bad enough, it gets worse when I realise I cannot complete it until I get my hands on the stupid acc textbook. And that will probably have to wait until school reopens.

CNM is starting to get on my nerves with the seemingly overwhelming amount of readings and what’s worse is that I have no idea what I should be studying haha. The CNM dept was so helpful that they only told us we should study materials from wk 1 to wk 6 and yeah, that’s about it. Its like trying to study Bio/Econs when you haven’t seen or tried any practice questions before.

And I want to say that somethings are just so 天意弄人. Things just aren’t in my favour and I always wish I could have been luckier, or that things would have been better for me, but sometimes its just too tiring. And I just cannot get enough of this line from 苏打绿’s 近未来:

多少次宁愿都重新开始

过去一直去未来一直来

只有现在...