hm this has been a really tedious wk, with too many needless troubles at the wrong place and time... actually all the bad stuff started last friday with the keypress issue and the sudden step-up in regimentation... ... basically all kinds of things are happening at the wrong place and time and it seems like life is getting from bad to worse... its such a big contrast from what it was like when i first came in like 6months ago... now its getting more quiet and gloomy and I can almost feel it pressing down on me sometimes... although i managed to stay out of the way this time but it really sux to see other people getting reprimanded and taking extras like free... i guess its really like the morale issue, that after a while everyone starts to feel down and out and things just continue to roll downhill with accumulating consequences-to-come...
I was really in low spirits this week due to all the random bad happenings but i guess i'm really luck to escape to India just when all these start to happen... but then i didn't really feel that happy when i was trying to book out on wed (last day in camp before i fly off), its kind of hard to describe but i decided to put it down as something like survivor guilt and surprise surprise, a reluctance to leave... its really quite amazing how one's mindset can be changed in such a short period of time...
会决定放下一切去两个月的overseas exercise是因为想让自己远走高飞
想单独去外面闯一下，去体会那虽然有限比的自由，让自己有多点呼吸的空间
当时的我没有太多牵挂，也没有太多的顾虑，只因为我一直把自己抽离在我各人的世界里
现在的我多了太多不舍，也多了太多的顾虑，只因为我在不知不觉中撘起桥梁而有了联系
也许是情况所使，但我enlist已有15个月了，却不曾有多深的体会
但现在说真的，或许是我看到了值得懊恼，值得维持，值得坚持，值得留恋的东西
我有点不舍
那些可能不再会看到的ORD personnel, 那些不管愉快不愉快，我都不能陪伴在身旁的朋友，那些没有我的身影，而日后everybody else所编织的共同回忆
虽然我的情况，比起其它留学在外的朋友，似乎那么的small case
但对不起，我还是那么的在意
所以离开前，我还是想说声对不起
我有需要我去努力的一段路要走
但我想我还是会有想为你们打气的冲动
as for my overseas ex in India, everything is almost packed and ready to go... except those little little things that still need to be decided - like what to put in my hand carry bag, whether my duffel bag is over the weight limit (this time round, i actually have to drag it all the way there myself) and 1 or 2 things left to be bought before i go... i'm really not sure just how prepared I am but really, I can only go there and try my best to accomplish my taskings smoothly although i already foresee some problems coming up but hopefully they are not that severe... hopefully i will still be able to go go online somehow and keep in touch with everyone else haha but that remains to be seen... but its really a pity i'm going to miss the commissioning for upcoming officers and those who are going to ORD when i'm away... all the best to all of your out there =)
and last of all, wish me luck =)