how could so much change in just the span of 1 day...
now i feel so bogged down and ill at ease... there's so much that i have to think about and i'm really not ready to make any decisions right now... i hate it when people keep pressing me to make a decision which i'm not ready and unwilling to face up to... its like trying to force me to grow up overnight and take up all the responsibility that comes along with it... no matter how true it is, i hate the way they laced their words with purpose and suggestions, making it seems as though i will be an worthless fellow if i do not join them... to be fair, there's really not much of a harm in joining up - its like its perfect, with their excellent background, schemes, products and opportunities, and its like really really stupid not to join in... but to dump all this on me all of a sudden without any warning is so unfair, like how was i to know a casual lunch would suddenly turn into something so complicated, i mean its not wrong but at least let me know in advance instead of suddenly plunging me into a 4h recruitment process... halfway through the rehearsed propagated lines and explanations, i was seriously turned off, doesn't help that i seemed like an idiot to them for my lack of knowledge... thinking it through, i think most of the people would have taken the chance cause it seems like its the smart and correct thing to do but then i'm just not that keen on it... but now i'm hesitating because i have this notion that i will be branded as a stupid selfish person because i'm not doing the correct thing (not convenient to talk about the implications here) i really should stop living for other people's expectations but then old habits are really hard to change...
and some other things aren't even worth talking about... even when i'm about to ORD, i can't believe just how much effort and self-control i need to muster in order to continue to make myself feel that little bit more satisfied...
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