... ... WISH ... ...

another tiring friday...
chem prac was crap... got everything wrong...
cldn't concentrate at all cause my mind was somewhere else...
nvm...

normally on the way home i'll sure fall aslp one...
but today one of the rare days when i didn't... haha
was thinking and working through some stuff...
hm...
an impulse u cld say... a simple wish for myself...
but yeah hard to say wat the outocme 'll be...
everyone's finding some place for themselves in the sch in the society... time for me to find mine =)
i wish for so many things but none of them seems possible...
maybe the other solution is to del me off and create a new me... but thats entirely impossible...

my interactions with the ppl ard me nowadays seem to be abit weird...
i need to be by myself sometimes...
sometimes i feel that it is only by being alone that i can really be "normal"...
being "abnormal" is not bad but sometimes its juz too tiring for me...
thinking of expanding my private world also but then there's so much uncertainty involved... make me kinda hesitate sometimes...
but then i think i really need to open myself up to more ppl... if there's any out there of course...
i think i'm kinda contradicting myself here...
interesting... always knew i'm the "contradictory" person...
kinda like the contradictions that live within me...
chaotic but nice... reminds me of "beautifully chaotic" juz pop into my mind suddenly haha...

erm...
juz wanna say more abt my thoughts now...
actually for alot of things in sch and all that... whether it concerns stuff like cca or interpersonal relations or schwork watever...
i got everything worked out in my mind... untangled free of unncessary constrains that shldn't be there...
but then when it actually comes down to the actual thing...
its so hard to really do wat i want...
its like i know wats wrong and i know how to change but i juz cannot...
i kinda freaking out over this... but there's nothing i can do!!!
and with each passing day things 'll juz get worse and worse until everything's gone...
when that day comes... i'm gonna go into depression =(
i wish i can try to get out of this cycle to make things better for me and everyone else... and i gotta try my best for this wish...
there's only so much i can do and i think my threshold for everything gonna be on the decline during this period... means i gonna be in alot of bad moods...
argh...

watever lah...
talked too much here...
gtg...
adieos...